When I heard that the 21st century's greatest magician, David Blaine, was performing his latest stunt two blocks from where I work I knew I had to check it out. David Blaine is the guy who two years ago buried himself alive for a week, and last year froze himself in a huge block of ice. I was expecting this year's stunt to be something equally dangerous and exciting, something I couldn't do. Unfortunately, I was disappointed. I fought my way through the crowds in Bryant Park to see David Blaine... standing on a post, talking on a cell phone.
I wasted my lunch hour on this? Okay, maybe it's a little more spectacular than it looked. The post was really high, and not very wide, and he did have to deal with thousands of New Yorkers yelling at him. But still, I didn't think this particular stunt merited all the media coverage. "What's so hard about standing around," I thought, "maybe I should try something like that."
I decided the perfect time to try out my "stunt" was during David Blaine's television special, where he would jump from the nine story post into some cardboard boxes, after standing up there for 35 hours. So after eating a healthy dinner and drinking plenty of water, I dragged a chair in front of the TV, spread a few pillows on the floor around it (just in case), and climbed up. I didn't even take my cell phone or anything.
I felt a real kinship with David Blaine as the ABC cameras swooped around him up on his post. I'd only been standing for a few minutes and I was already fighting my natural urges to sit down. Luckily, the parts of the special where Blaine performed his "street magic" were entertaining enough that I almost didn't notice that I was perilously perched two feet above the ground, with nothing to hold on to. I was a little cold. I'd been perfectly warm when I was moving around in my apartment, but once I stood still, it was chilly. I tried to do some stretches to keep warm and get rid of the pins and needles feeling in my right leg, but I came dangerously close to the edge of the chair. I was starting to understand what the big deal was. I was also starting to understand that drinking plenty of water beforehand was not the best idea. I ended up taking a bathroom break during a segment of the show where David Blaine was making a snake appear in a kid's backpack. I figured it was allowed because I'm deathly afraid of snakes.
At about 10:45 p.m., David Blaine took a flying leap into a huge pile of cardboard boxes that appeared to be full of marshmallows or some other squishy object. I took a tiny leap into my pillows. David Blaine waved at the crowd and thanked everyone for their support. I waved to my houseplants and thanked them for providing me with the oxygen necessary to complete this dangerous experiment. David Blaine was taken away in an ambulance for observation. I sat on my couch and switched the channel to Blind Date. I was exhausted.